At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i think i have herpe
just one?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
