P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
and you fell through a lawn chair
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
