Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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