yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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