I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
