is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
