so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
