At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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