capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
