I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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