My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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