Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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