You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
