I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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