checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
