My balls are so social today.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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