I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
