Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
