well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
