you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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