I just cut my nipple shaving
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
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I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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