also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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