I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
