i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
