Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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