So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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