I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
