Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
