Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
