he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
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Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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