did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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