you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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