He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
