Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They are going to name an STD after you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
