it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
