Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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