i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
