It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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