Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
