The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
