I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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