Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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