I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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