How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize