They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm bleeding and have questions
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
