Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
