You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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