boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
