do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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