kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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