We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
