remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I look better un-naked...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
