"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
