She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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