Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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