I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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