i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
