So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
