Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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