He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
