"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
love makes seman taste better
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
