im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
