I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize