i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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