Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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