Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
