I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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