my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
