Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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