just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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